If i come over, it means nothing
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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