I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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