I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
