It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
