I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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