that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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