Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
