found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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