we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize