I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize