dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize