Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
