you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
