Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
