I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
