I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
