My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
