you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
