i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Green mimosas i think yes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize