i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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