I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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