my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
