At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
