I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
