The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
