I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
