Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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