His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
