I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
