Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
