While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
