Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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