i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
