I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
