I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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