Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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