i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
