good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
