HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
