So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
