sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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