He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
