I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
