the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
