how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize