we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
