I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
