Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
