Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
