does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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