One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
