Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
