You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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