can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize