btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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