I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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