I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize