I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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