Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
