i wish my penis had a tongue
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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