Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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