I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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