last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize