fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
