I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
BRING THE BAGELS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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