My sheets look like a crime scene.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
