i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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