i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
