i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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