Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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