The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize