the condom got lost in my hair
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
